Lost

Lost.

You lose yourself and think that your world is crumbling. You force yourself to live in ways that are detrimental to your well-being. This fixed state seems normal. You act as if it is normal, as if this is okay. Your routine, your daily habits, everything is fine. You’re “okay”. And in reality, you are okay.

What happens when I lose myself?

I question everything. I ask too many people for something that was already inside of me. I reach out to people seeking validation. A good friend of mine told me I already knew everything that he was going to tell me. He was right. And in that instance, I realized that what I was seeking has always been well alive. The thing that I was seeking for opened me up.

I lose myself, a lot.

I get lost in others, too. I get lost in friends, relationships, family, school, money, life. Then, I have a breaking point. My surrounding environment becomes unknown. People see a different me. I am moving backwards while time progresses forward.

I still feel lost, sometimes. Like a part of me is still shouting inside attempting to figure everything out. So, I recount. I think back to times when I was most happy. Living. Woke up, smiling. I read old goals and incorporate them with new goals. I remember why I am on this earth. I remember my purpose. And I remember that it is okay to get lost, just find your way back to yourself when you are ready.